Why am I writing this post in English? Maybe I want fewer people to understand it, perhaps I would write it in Chinese or Japanese if I knew the language. There is a confession behind this post. It's not a shameful confession. But strong people do not want everybody to realize they have their own weaknesses too.  When I was a child, they told me, men do not cry. Men are lions. Lions do not cry among other inferior animals. Crying is for women, women who flatter and squabble and deceive. Not for strong, powerful men who tell nothing and do nothing but the truth !

But

I'm tired of being strong 

All my tears have been dried for years. The emotions are still alive but there is no way to release. There is no way. Nobody to give it to. All the people I knew betrayed. She clearly said she has betrayed. I should throw her away like a garbage, but there is no alternative for my age. So I better live with her memories of five years ago and I continue the rest of this short short time I have ahead of myself. What a bad language this is! I m listening to Babataher sung by Shajarian and I still say what a bad language English is !  

I had been very strong during these years, the only thing that I was not strong enough was: Forgiveness. I cannot do it. This is something reserved only for Almighty Allah.